Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
