Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
