Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
