You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
This house was built for laser tag.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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