im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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