Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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