I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
