Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
