I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
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Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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