Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
