Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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