Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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