discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
