Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
