Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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