a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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