Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
