drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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