WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
