Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
