So drunk its hurt
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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