So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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