she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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