I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
