The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
