: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
