I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
