im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
