Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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