I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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