my phone needs a breathalizer
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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