At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
