I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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