He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
