this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
