Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
