I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
