I wish i was in the wii world.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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