listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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