dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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