when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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