dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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