Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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