Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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