How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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