I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
