I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
