Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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