I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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