he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Actions speak louder than pants.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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