I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
