i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
