when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
