This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I bet he comes in French.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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