you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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