i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
