the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
