I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
