I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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