ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
