clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
