i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
