i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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