What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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