Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
