Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
