dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
