We need to rekindle our bromance
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
