i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
