she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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