Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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