dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
