btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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