chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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