let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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