Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
