I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
