i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize